Gout Attack!

Okay, I haven't had a confirmation that it was an actual attack of gout, but that is what my doctor is calling it. This morning before 6am I woke up with awful, tear-inducing pain in my knees. I had been one pill short the day before and had saved the last for this morning (before my return to the hospital and all the meds I want), but apparently taking two fortecortin (cortico-steriods) instead of three yesterday was a big mistake. I took that third one in the morning, knowing I'd need it, but it was too little, too late.

We thought perhaps it was withdrawal symptoms, seeing as I've been on this crap for three or four weeks now. But the doctor was not convinced. He thinks gout. He thinks it will be very interesting if it is gout. He asked me if I have been eating a lot of meat. Riiiight. He's giving me more of this mellow morphine to take as a pain killer against the devastatingly painful bathroom experiences I'm having. Plus I'll take ibuprofen. All I want is to stop with the pills, but we're adding more this week in an effort to help me suffer just a little less.

The doctor is also happy to tell me that besides the pain of the morning, if it's gout they'll be able to continue to treat the symptoms and after radiation is all over and my body recovers, I'll be just fine. My poor body.

Just another reminder of how bad it has to get for the rest of my body before the cancer cells just up and die. The cancer cells are the vulnerable ones, but they're not the only vulnerable ones. I just have to suck it up and suffer, knowing that the cancer cells (if there really are any left at this point) are suffering way worse than I am. Yeah.

Had the final CyberKnife experience today. They loaded me up with mellow morphines and some pain killers, but it still hurt getting gauzed again. The doc who did it this time was like, 'I can handle your screams, so if you want me to just continue and do it fast, I will.' I told her to go for it, and no I didn't exactly scream. But I squeezed the nurses hands very tightly.

Then it was floaty-time in the music and colors and I felt good afterwards, all loopy and sedated.

Of course, I was wrong about this being my absolute last treatment. I assumed that CyberKnife was the last step, but it turns out I still have three more normal radiation sessions this week. I stay in the hospital tonight (last overnight!), get radiated tomorrow, go home, then come back for day visits on Weds and Fri. And THEN I will actually be done with treatment. Let the healing and recovery begin.

Radiation treatment doesn't exactly stop when the sessions stop. I'll still be radioactive or something for another 6 weeks after Friday. Not that I pose a threat to others. But we'll come back for testing again after 6 weeks to have a look and see how everything is doing. Maybe an MRI, gynecological exam, Pap smear. Gotta keep looking.

Right now I'm ecstatic with the knowledge that I won't have to get stuffed full of gauze again. The worst is over. There's no more worst. No more terrible or bad, even. Just pain management and then the inevitable ramping down from something like 15 pills a day to none. My oh my.